Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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