are you still at the devil's house?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
