If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
vagina is talking i cant
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
