I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
is it fun? or sober?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
