My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
