Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
if only i could text you this smell
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
