Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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