I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
