My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
