this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
