I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
