When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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