Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
