i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
