sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
