Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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