Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize