I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
