I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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