i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
