This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
