I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
