Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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