I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I am naked and annoyed.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
