Non-Jews are for practice
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
