I heard we made out
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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