There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
