shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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