She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
