Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
