I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
