Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Actions speak louder than pants.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
