i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
