3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
