I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
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