dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
