Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
