I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
