i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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