My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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