Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
