Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
