Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
