I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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