I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
