I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
