And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
