The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
