I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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