I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Randomize
