please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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