She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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