he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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