I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
