i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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