"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
where are my eyebrows?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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