I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
