you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
