she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
