Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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