I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just invented taco cereal.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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