so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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