Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
