We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
