Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
