I could have mohawked her pubes.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
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