He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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