I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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