He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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