I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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