Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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