5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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