Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
