You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
