...so i touched it.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
