I need help removing her.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
