We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
