haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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