I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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