he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
