so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
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