WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
