Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
