You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
