oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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