separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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