clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
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