Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
third nipple confirmed
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