I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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