I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
