Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
