half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
