I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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