the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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